Films You Should Have Seen #4

It's time again for me to enlighten some of you who have missed out on some  fantastic cinematic gems for whatever reason, on their virtues and why you should stop whatever you are doing and watch it right now, (unless you are currently playing an important part in an elaborate heist). 

O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Year: 2000
Directed by: Joel Coen, (Ethan Coen)
Starring: George Clooney, John Turturro, Tim Blake Nelson, Holly Hunter, John Goodman, Charles Durning, Chris Thomas King, Michael Badalucco
IMDB Plot Summary: Loosely based on Homer's "Odyssey," the movie deals with the picaresque adventures of Ulysses Everett McGill and his companions Delmar and Pete in 1930s Mississipi. Sprung from a chain gang and trying to reach Everett's home to recover the buried loot of a bank heist they are confronted by a series of strange characters--among them sirens, a cyclops, bank robber George "Baby Face" Nelson (very annoyed by that nickname), a campaigning governor and his opponent, a KKK lynch mob, and a blind prophet who warns the trio that "the treasure you seek shall not be the treasure you find."Written by Armin Ortmann <armin@sfb288.math.tu-berlin.de>
Why it is worth watching: Well for starters it's a film by the Coen brothers, who in my humble? (no that's not right), who in my Magnificent opinion (o yes that's much better), at their best produce instant classics (Raising Arizona, Millers Crossing, Fargo, The Big Lebowski)  at there worse produce films that are enjoyable to watch (The Hudsucker Proxy, Intolerable Cruelty, The Ladykillers, Burn After Reading). O Brother, Where Art Thou is definitely one of their better works. 

Like it says above this comedy is based partly on the Odyssey (with many characters names and/or traits taken from the epic) and mixed with a heavy dose of Southern Culture and legends, this film is a true delight visually and as well as aurally (though I will come to that a lot later). Now I'm going to make an assumption that you are all familiar with the Odyssey in at least some part. If you aren't then for fucks sakes what have you been doing with your life. It's been around for about 3000 years, and been translated into countless media, including the fantastic Franco-Japanese animated Ulysses 31 set in Space. They even animated and set it in fucking space for those of you who lack the time or inclination to either read it or watch a film version of it. Anyway I like I said I will assume everyone reading this is aware of it on some level, hence preventing my head from exploding. 

George Clooney takes on the part of Ulysses (The Roman name for the Greek hero Odysseus in case any of you are wondering) Everett McGill , and completely plays it against type. His Ulysses is a not wise nor heroic, but instead a small conman who gets his two "friends" to follow him by pretending to know the answer to every single question they may have. He also seems to lack the effortless charm that had up to that point been Clooney's trademark in the roles he played. This is not to say that McGill is not a likeable character, when interacting with his daughters or indeed his wife Penelope, he shows a true tenderness you don't see elsewhere in the film, (well apart from one scene). Holly Hunter playing Penelope is the only major female character in this film, however whenever she is on screen there is now doubt who is in charge. Wise to all her husbands tricks, she comes across as a bit cold most of the time, but never so much that it turns you against her.

If I was to just talk about the great cast put together by the Coen's for this film, we would be here forever and though that would obviously be a treat for you I have other things to do. Suffice to say every actor in this film brings their A-game and shows great comedic chops. Though I will give a special mention to John Turturro and Tim Blake Nelson, though taking a back seat to Clooney throughout most of the film, they still flourish and are possibly the true heart of the piece.

Now setting the film in the deep south of America during the depression also allowed the Coen's to produce a unique soundtrack that showcased a wide variety of music from the south. Generally when you think of music from the Southern states more often then not you will think of "Country and Western", here you are opened up to Bluegrass, Traditional southern folk songs, Gospel, Blues as well as country, giving a great insight into a rich cultural heritage of the area that is so often ignored due to the other less desirable aspects of the area. The songs that tend to stick out for me are  'O Death' preformed by Ralph Stanley, 'Down to the River to Pray' preformed by Alison Krauss, 'Hard Time Killing Floor Blues' preformed by Chris Thomas King, 'Didn't Leave Nobody but the Baby' preformed by Emmylou Harris, Alison Krauss, Gillian Welch, and of course I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow by Soggy Bottom Boys & Dan Tyminski.

Anyway go watch the film and then relax listening to the soundtrack. Then if you haven't done so far go read the Odyssey.

The Mil Millington Appreciation Society

Well Well Well it's seems like that time again for me to pass unto you some of my many many words of wisdom. Now as you all should know by now, as well as a way of entertaining the masses, I also see this blog as a way of educating and enlightening you poor souls who a may have missed out on some of the lesser known fantastic stuff out there, Hence my monthly Films You Should Have Seen post (look forward to Friday I'm doing a musical). Anyway I have thought of something else that you should be aware of, and it's not a something it's a someone. 

Let me introduce you to Mil Millington Author, Humourist and All Round Good Egg (from what I hear).

I came across Mr. Millington around 2001 when a good friend of mine introduced me to his fantastic website Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About. In which he recorded his unending struggle against the strains and dangers of living under the tyrannical thumb of his seemingly mad German girlfriend. This is still one of the funniest sites on the internet. You should definitely have a look. 

Since then Mr. Millington has written four novels, (as well as working on many other projects), and I believe that they are four of the funniest novels ever written. Writing full of wit, charm and the occasional C-word. All of his stories look deeply into relationships between couples, from a modern male perspective. something I haven't found in other novels, (though to be ruthlessly honest I haven't looked very hard either). His character interactions remind me of a slightly less classy Bill Wilder, (and if you don't know who that is, hang your head in shame and go to the back of the classroom).

Anyway here are the four Millington Novels (with synopsis taken from http://www.goodreads.com) in my order of preference.

1) Love and Other Near-Death Experiences (2006)
Hello. My name is Robert, and I haven’t been dead for sixty-three days now.

If he hadn’t bought those crummy towels, Rob would be six feet under. But his poor shopping sense accidentally set off a convoluted chain of events that meant he lived when all those others died in the pub explosion. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the ugly towels that saved his life. Perhaps it was some other random action, some other small movement that was the utterly trivial yet vitally important factor. And that’s the real problem.
Now, with his wedding fast approaching, Rob suddenly finds himself paralyzed with indecision–about Every. Little. Thing. He just can't be sure which seemingly innocuous choice will mean the difference between life and death: Should he wash the fork or the knife first? Should he step out of the shower with his left leg or his right leg? Red sweater or blue? One thing is certain: His fiancée, Jo, is at her wits’ end.
To save his relationship and his sanity, Rob embarks on a quest to find out why he’s still breathing. When he meets up with others who have had similar lifesaving near misses, he figures the answer must be close. But fate may just catch them yet, for Rob’s search to understand why he’s still alive might well turn out to be the very thing that kills them all.


2) Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life (2008)
Chris Mortimer goes on a bender one night in 1988 and wakes to find it's 18 years later and he's married to someone he doesn't know. He's still stuck in his hateful job and he's an alcoholic to boot. Things are not looking good. 

3) A Certain Chemistry (2003)
Brooding, self-loathing Tom Cartwright is a modestly successful ghostwriter whose ability to spell correctly and meet his deadlines has landed him the job of writing the autobiography of the wildly popular soap-opera star Georgina Nye. His imbibing, chain-smoking agent is swooning, and his offbeat, sweetly supportive live-in girlfriend of five years, Sara, is ecstatic—new carpets! 

Yet even as he feverishly pens (read: mostly makes up) Georgina’s “straight-from-the-heart” life story (he’s thinking maybe a thoughtful, feminist angle), he is lusting for Georgina herself. Soon Tom—poor, misguided, painfully careening Tom—thinks he can have it all: a woman at home who loves him, and a hot, panting affair with a television diva. With a little planning, can it really be so hard?

4) Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About (2002)
concerns a guy named Pel who lives with his German girlfriend, Ursula. Pel leads an uneventful life—quietly bluffing his way through his job and discovering new things to argue about with Ursula. But when his boss mysteriously disappears, Pel steps innocently into his shoes and his life spirals out of control in a chaotic whirl of stolen money, missing colleagues, and Chinese mafiosi.

Anyway go out and find these books or if you must stay in and download them, then read them. I can almost guarantee that once you start them you will find it hard to put them down.

In Pods We Trust

I know most of you wonder what someone as fantastic and all round awesome as myself does for enjoyment. Well being the well balanced and fascinating human being I am, I have a wide range of interests to keep me amused. Of course my time like most of yours, is precious (probably more so in the case of most of you), and I don't get to indulge myself as much as I would like.

However one of the things I do regularly though is listen to Podcasts, (a wide variety of them). This is because I find them entertaining and can listen to them while doing other activities such as working, travelling, writing this blog and so on and so forth. Anyhow I thought as you have all been good little boys and girls (and anything else) I would introduce you to some of my favourites. Please be aware all of these podcasts contain crude language, in some case extremely crude language. If you are the sort of person who is likely to be easily offended, maybe you should get lost and find another blog to read.

Hollywood Babble-on

The first of two podcasts from Kevin Smiths Smodcast network. Kevin Smith and the extremely talented Ralph Garman sit down every week (usually) in front of a live audience, to discuss various aspects of the entertainment industry. Lots of regular tongue in cheek features such as looking at up coming projects, celebrity lifestyle news (generally very insultingly towards the Kardashians, Lyndsay Lohan, Justin Bieber and Will Smiths Children), an obituary section for some of the industries lesser know alumna's and many many more. Smiths laid back (generally on weed), and Garmans slightly surly demeanour create a great double act and extremely entertaining if Smith has smoked too much and/or Garman has had a few too many Jack Daniels.  
Started: 24/08/10
Out every: Week
Number so far: 126

How Did This Get Made

I came across this one while listening to another podcast a few weeks ago and have since listened to all of the back catalogue.  Comedians Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael and Jason Mantzoukas, along with a guest(s) watch a film and then sit down together to discuss it. Generally the film will be from one of two categories Films so bad/crazy that watching them makes you feel despair and anger at the time you wasted watching them or Films so bad/crazy that they reach a level of sublime ridiculousness that makes them some of the best film watching experiences of your life. 

Started: 14/05/11
Out every: 2 Weeks
Number so far: 62

Mission Logs

This one is truly for us Star Trek enthusiasts. Set up by Rod Roddenberry and hosted by John Champion and Ken Ray (awesome names gentlemen). Every week they watch an episode of Star trek (starting with the original unaired pilot and then by original airdate), they then analysis the story, morals and messages and production of the episode indepth. Currently halfway through The Original Series, the long term plan is to do an episode for all of the different series (including the Animated Series) and all of the film. Which if your maths skills are as good as mine you will realise is a going to take over 13 years from now. 
Started: 09/08/12
Out every: Week
Number so far: 40 (plus specials)

Tell 'Em Steve-Dave

The second podcast from Kevin Smiths Smodcast network. This time coming from Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash (Comic Book Shop). Hosted by Smiths childhood friends Bryan Johnson (the basis of the character Randal from Clerks and Clerks 2) and Walter Flanaghan, along with their funny friend Brian Quinn. This podcast goes everywhere topic wise, from depression, the supernatural, casual racism to whatever screwed up story they find in the news anywhere. Comic Books and the View Askew Universe rare come up. The wit and general piss taking that has made this one of my favourites has now been translated to the small screen successfully with Bryan and Walt leading the Secret Stash crew in ABC's  Comic Book Men.
Started: 21/02/10
Out every: Week
Number so far: 152

The Bugle Podcast

Hosted by John Oliver (generally from New York) and Andy Zaltzman (generally from London) these two funny funny men take a look at the weeks news and report it using from their own unique and hilarious point of view. Beware though Zaltzman has a tendency to break into long pun runs out of nowhere. 
Started: 14/10/07
Out every: Week
Number so far: 234

The Empire Magazine Podcast

A great film related podcast hosted by various members of the Empire Magazine contributors, led generally by Chris Hewitt or Helen O'Hara. I used to listen to a different film podcast before I got extremely annoyed by one of the co-hosts being a gigantic douche bag. Luckily that is not an issue here. All the hosts are entertaining, as well as number of them knowing quite a lot about comic books and geek culture. The magazine has been around for nearly 25 years so you get some really big name guests interviewed, along with the new up and coming stars of the future.
Started: 02/03/12
Out every: Week
Number so far: 60 (plus specials)

The Football Ramble

One of my great passion which I haven't written about yet is Football, I'm sure I will get to it at some point (I bet you are now waiting with baited breath). Hosted by Marcus Speller, Luke Moore, James Campbell and Pete Donaldson. They take a look at the weeks football news, results and rumours as well as placing someone or something into their hall of fame after providing a profile. Started: 02/05/09
Out every: Week (Not during the off season)
Number so far: 196

There you go, that should cover a wide enough range of topics, so there should be something there for everyone. There are of course other podcasts out there. If you find any that you think we should know about, write about it in the comments section.

Films You Should Have Seen #3

It's time again for me to enlighten some of you who have missed out on some  fantastic cinematic gems for whatever reason, on their virtues and why you should stop whatever you are doing and watch it right now, (unless you are in the middle of coitus of course). 

Clerks
Year: 1994
Directed by: Kevin Smith
Starring: Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jay Mewes, Kevin Smith, Marilyn Ghigliotti, Lisa Spoonhauer, Walter Flanagan, Scott Mosier
IMDB Plot Summary:  Dante Hicks is a clerk at a local convenience store in New Jersey. On one particular Saturday morning, he gets called in on his day off. Once there, he must deal with multiple problems. The shutters outside won't open. His ex-girlfriend, whom he is still in love with, is getting married. His girlfriend, who bugs him about starting college, has revealed certain, uh...stuff about her past. His boss hasn't come in to take his place. He has a hockey game at 2 o'clock. Another ex has died, and today's the last day he can go to her wake. He must deal with customers that aren't so intelligent. His friend, Randal, a clerk at the video store next door, is even less dedicated to his job than Dante, and is always bothering Dante's customers. And the biggest problem of them all: HE'S NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE TODAY!! Can Dante manage it all? (Written by MTRodaba2468)
Why it is worth watching: OK let me start by saying I am a huge fan of Kevin Smith, not just his work, most of which (with the exception of Cop Out) I like, but the man himself. I find him to be be extremely talented and funny and if you read any of his books, watch his Evening with... talks or listen to his podcasts you will know that his is an extremely candid individual, who though sometimes seeming crass verging on vulgar, still exudes a boyish charm.

Anyway this particular film is probably my favourite of all of his filmography. Possibly because when it came out I was also working in a service industry, (working weekends at as a telephonist at a taxi company, while at college and university), having to deal with dick customers (not all of them of course most of them were quite pleasant, though more then you would think). I was the right age to understand the ennui that the main protagonist Dante is going through, so it really spoke to me, as it did with a lot of people of then, and from what I've heard it still holds true for people watching it for the first time now. 

So reasons to watch this film. First of all the dialogue, it is funny, crude and extremely realistic. When watching this you can truly believe that the two main leads are just a couple of friends shooting the shit, to relieve the boredom of their day. Talking of the two leads the contrast in the characters is portrayed brilliantly by O'Halloran and Anderson (the latter of which had no acting experience before this). Loosely based on the relationship between Kevin Smith himself and his friend Bryan Johnson, (about whom I will be writing a bit more in my next post), Dante and Randal are a double act that can only be compared to (if stretched), that of Ferris and Cameroon in Ferris Bueller's Day Off or possibly R2-D2 and C3PO from well you know, Star Wars. Dante can be seen as a classic straight if slightly put upon man, Randal is far from the buffonish sidekick that makes up the tradional formula. He is smart, witty and really doesn't give a fuck. O'Halloran and Anderson bring a warm, casual chemistry to the roles that is a great central pillar to this film and it's sequel Clerks 2.

Filmed on money borrowed from credit cards, by a crew mainly made up of young film school graduates, (Smith having dropped out early to work on the script), and their friend, the look of the film may be criticised by some. I however feel that the look is perfect for this film. Once described as "the filmic equivalent of a garage band", it is pure Grunge. Which also translates into it's brilliant soundtrack, which features great early 90's musicians like Soul Asylum, Alice in Chains and Bad Religion amongst others.

I can not recommend this film highly enough and if you need any other reason here are three random things you will find in this film;

1. The best use of the number 37 ever
2. The laziest fight scene ever choreographed 
3. Accidental Necrophilia

Watch this film and then watch the brilliant documentary The Snowball Effect about the making of it.

Daydreaming For Adults

Hello all to lovely lovely lot. Just a short post this time I'm afraid. I know, I know you can't get enough of my awesomeness. However this month has been a bit hectic. Also I am about to embark on some adult activity soon. No not like that, keep your mind out of the gutter until I take you there.

Anyway the weather has been lovely here recently and it reminded me of a poem I wrote years ago, (yes I write poetry sometimes, I truly am extremely talented).

Ode To Cloud

As I lay and look up today

The sky a perfect blue

Watching the clouds above my head

The way I used to do

In the giddy days of youth

I did not have a care

I used to look up and imagine shapes

For hours I could stare

Playing out stories and adventures

With what the clouds sent my way

I remember much better times

As I lay and look up today

It helped remind me that even though we may grow up we should always make time for daydreaming, because where would we be without the daydreamers.

Disc Covering

Good day you lovely lovely lot. I know that there has been a huge hole in your life due to the absence of my words of wisdom. Well rejoice for I have returned to you and bring you a new blog.

Those of you how know me personally (let me start by congratulating you), will know that one of my many many interests is music. I have no talent for it myself, I do however have a great appreciation for it. From Beethoven to Nirvana and from Johnny Cash to Bjork, I have some what of an eclectic taste, though have a special place in my heart for 90's Grunge and Alternative Rock.

One way I have found to show my admiration for all the types of music I enjoy, is by everyday posting (on Facebook, Google+ and Twitter), a link to a piece of music from my past. (So far with a few breaks I am up to 570 songs posted).

A few days ago I posted a song which was a cover of a song I had previously posted. This was the first time it had happened, but I had no qualms about doing so, as both versions are in there own ways brilliant. However it did lead me think about other great songs which were good in the first place but were covered in a way to be different enough, to become classics in there own right. I came up with a list and then shortened it to a Top 5 which I am now going to present to you, (in absolutely no particular order). Beginning with the song that started me out on this chain of thought:

Song: Hurt
Original Artist: Nine Inch Nails (1995)
Covered By: Johnny Cash (2002)
This may be my favourite cover version of any song, and as much as I love the work of Nine Inch Nails and of Trent Reznor who wrote the song, I have to say that I may even like the cover slightly more then the original. There is just something haunting about Johnny Cash's voice, and the fact that he was a man who had faced his demons and was nearing the end of his life (he died less then a year after the release of the song), that gives something extra to his version


Song: Always on my Mind 
Original Artist: Elvis Presley (1972)
Covered By: Pet Shop Boys (1987)
OK so technically Elvis was not the original artist to record this song. It was originally written for a female artist Brenda Lee. It was however released in the same year by The King and I would say it is is more widely associated with him. Also yes there have been other covers of this song but I personally think that this is the best one, not only that it is my favourite song by the Pet Shop Boys. 


Song: Knockin' on Heaven's Door
Original Artist: Bob Dylan (1973)
Covered By: Guns N' Roses (1987)
I know this may be considered blasphemous by some, but again this may be another instance where I prefer the cover to the original. This is probably because it was the first version I heard and I was a huge fan of Guns N' Roses. The Bob Dylan version is a beautiful soulful lament though an I have come to appreciate it more as time has gone by.


Song: Creep
Original Artist: Radiohead (1992)
Covered By: Scala & Kolacny Brothers (2010)
The newest of all the covers on the list and also a cover of one of my favourite songs of all time. This is so different then all the other cover versions of this song, yet it seems to fit perfectly with the fantastic lyrics of Thom Yorke.


Song: Here Comes the Sun
Original Artist: The Beatles (1969)
Covered By: Nina Simone (1971)
OK after some slightly depressing songs lets finish on something a bit uplifting. The original was written by George Harrison once again showing what a great talent he was. Nina Simone added something absolutely wonderful to an already great song.

Anyway those are the 5 songs I picked for your listening pleasure. Let me know what you think, or if there is a cover song that you believe should replace one of the above.

More blogs to come.

O Those Wonderful Wonderful Women

I was originally planning to write a series of blogs on James Bond this month full of my usual humour and smutty remarks (I know I'm a bit late to the bandwagon, but does anyone really care?). However you all will just have to wait for those with baited breathe, while I get serious for this one.

Today (8th of March) is International Women's Day and I thought I should take a few moments to show appreciation to the women who have affected my life personally. I have been lucky enough to know a lot of magnificent women and though they may not be famous (yet), they do deserve a mention. (Please note that I will be using only initials for some of the women as I haven't told anyone I am writing this and they may wish to protect their privacy, they will hopefully know who they, if not they can ask).

Let me begin at the very beginning with my Mother. You may find this hard to believe however I'm not always the easiest person to get along with, there is the moodiness, the cynicism, the sarcasm and the undying belief that I am always right. All that and we won't even go into my teenage years, throughout all this my mother has always been there. Being an immigrant to the UK, her life hasn't been easy but she has worked hard (still does) and raised 4 children during testing times. Though I may not say it often I do love her dearly.

Next my two sisters (C and R), both of whom have had to put up with a lot of my crap over the years and yet still can bring themselves to talk to me. Both are younger then me (but mentally a lot more mature) and have both grown into strong independent women of whom I am very proud. 

Speaking of strong, independent women in my family I should also mention my cousin MB who was also an immigrant to the UK, has made a wonderful life for herself, works hard with charities and raised a family which also includes the first in the next generation of strong brilliant women, her daughter PB. PB is one of the smartest people I know, also she is someone who won't take any crap from anyway (which is cool).

Other women I would like to show appreciation would be the teachers who helped shape me into the mad genius you all know and love today. I can't remember all of them for which I am very sorry (however I am getting on a bit). From North Combined First and Middle School, Mrs Nunn, Miss Ryder (who started my taste for writing) and Miss Nicholson (who first recognised my ability to act). From Villiers High School there was Ms Halford (a most excellent form tutor and French teacher), Mrs Garcha (who got me through Chemistry), Miss Fortune (who gave me my love of History), Mrs Chana (who made maths fun)  and Mrs. Bennett (who got me to write for fun, so you can blame her for this blog).

Finally we get to the present, for some strange reason (not that I'm complaining), the vast majority of my friends are women, all of whom are strong, smart, talented and supercool. Some of them have had a tough time over the last year and a bit (I won't go into detail as they wouldn't appreciate it and I want them to carry on being my friends), So let me just say this SB (back home), KC and CM (here in Prague), EP (out in Malaysia) and KC (in Canada) I am lucky to know each and everyone of you, you are all fantastic in your own ways and I hope you always stay so.

Films You Should Have Seen #2

It's time again for me to enlighten some of you who have missed out on some  fantastic cinematic gems for whatever reason, on their virtues and why you should stop whatever you are doing and watch it right now, (unless you are preforming surgery of course). 

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Year: 1989
Directed by: Stephen Herek
Starring: Alex Winters, Keanu Reeves, George Carlin, Amy Stock-Poynton, Terry Camilleri, Dan Shor
IMDB Plot Summary:  In the small town of San Dimas, a few miles away from Los Angeles, there are two nearly brain dead teenage boys going by the names of Bill S, Preston ESQ. and Ted Theodore Logan, they have a dream together of starting their own rock and roll band called the "Wyld Stallyns". Unfortunately, they are still in high school and on the verge of failing out of their school as well, and if they do not pass their upcoming history report, they will be separated as a result of Ted's father sending him to military school. So, a man from the future named Rufus came to help them pass their report. So, both Bill and Ted decided to gather up historical figures which they need for their report. They are hoping that this will help them pass their report so they can stay together. (Written by John Wiggins) NB. I have taken out one line from the plot summary to stop spoilers.
Why it is worth watching: This is a true classic. One of the funniest films I have ever seen. Keanu Reeves and Alex Winters are two of the most charming and loveable leads in any film you will see, even if they are not the sharpest tools in the shed. Having these two travel through time and interacting with famous historical figures, without really having any clue about what is going on around them is brilliant to watch (especially a scene where they are trying to out philosophise Socrates in ancient Greece).

This is also one of the rare films where most of the cast is almost pitch perfect, George Carlin as the uber-cool Rufus, Amy Stock-Poynton as the boys old crush and Bill current step mother and all the actors playing the historical figures just fit perfectly. 

This film captures the change over from the 1980's to the 1990's fantastically, by having both charm and wit, and nothing in the film captures this more then the soundtrack. Full of 80's style pop-rock that sometimes veers close to power ballard territory without ever fully crossing over. It might sound a bit cheesy now but sometimes a bit of cheese is a good thing.

So in short go watch this film if you haven't seen it before and if you have then go watch it again, it is a really good time.

Plans for a Papal Revolution

Some of you may have read my earlier post "The Start-up" and they will know that I have given some thought to starting a new religion as a business venture. Obviously those of you hearing about this for the first time are all thinking, "Wow! What a brilliant idea," and/or, "Damn it! Why couldn't I think of that first." To you I would say "Yes I am a genius and why the hell have you not read all my other stuff yet?"

Anyway on February the 11th this year the current Pope announced his decision to retire. This got the many gears in my head working and I decided maybe instead of building a religion from the bottom up, why not take over an established religion and make it better. Therefore I have decided to throw my name into the hat for the job as then next Pope.

Undoubtedly there will be some who would object to this. I mean I'm not Catholic, I'm not even Christian. I'm not any sort of priest, being firmly agnostic probably doesn't help. Also the fact that I'm young and a man of the world may go against me. However to those doubters I would say maybe after 1980 years it's time to try something a bit different. I would project an air of coolness that the papacy lacks, as well as bringing my overall awesomeness into play globally.

To show that I have thought this through, here is an outline of what my Papacy would deliver:

1) Public executions of all priests known to have taken part in the abuse of children. OK this is not a joke. The Catholic church has lost a lot of respect and this issue has caused a lot of pain, not just the acts but the response of the church to them. So in order to bring back confidence to the church we need to send a message. That message should come in the form of swift justice to all those who committed these heinous deeds and all those that helped cover them up.

2) Allow women to be priests. After carrying out my first point there would be rather a lot of vacancies to fill in all levels of the church, so what better time to introduce women into positions they have been denied for far too long. This would modernise the church and bring a whole new energy to its current stagnant state.

3) Allow priests to marry. From what I have read, the reason priests are meant to be celibate is so that the church will inherit all their worldly belongings when the priest shuffles off his mortal coil. if this is the reason then all I can say is that the Vatican has more then enough money, and at this point it's just being greedy. Also this goes directly against the wishes of God, who said "Be fruitful and multiply" if you believe in Genesis 1.28.

4) Give homosexuals equal rights in the church. Look this should be a no brainer logically, if you believe in an all knowing and all powerful God, then you have to believe that if that God didn't want two men, or two women to fall in love with each other, then he or she (it's God I'm not sure if gender pronouns can even apply), wouldn't have made something like 10% of the worlds population gay (is that politically correct? I'm not sure. I apologise if not.) So let openly homosexual people become priests and marry.

5) Allow the use of contraceptives. OK let's get serious here, people like to have sex. It is a lot of fun from what I remember, and the idea that people should only do it when they want to have children is bordering on the absurd. This is the 21st century and burying its head in the sand will not do the church any good, it needs to grow up. This isn't even taking into account the vast numbers of the church's followers that are dying of HIV each year. If you were to look at this as a business model, then allowing your customer base to dwindle each year, when you can prevent it, without any additional financial costs yourself, is really crappy business.

Now that all the serious issues have been addressed here are a few changes I would bring along just for me.

1) No special hat for the pope. I don't do hats it makes my hair all weird. I understand that most of the people working in the church are very old men, so I wouldn't ban hats altogether. Just not for me.

2) Pimp out the Pope Mobile. I mean just look at it. And it's white!  

3) I would create a Vatican City Football team for international football tournaments and be allowed to pick any player from any Roman Catholic country (So South America, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Ireland, Poland....)

4) Sell off some of the churches assets to start a Space program, so I can be an astronaut.

5) Raise a Papal army. I've always wanted an army.

Anyway these are my ideas for the direction the Catholic Church could take under my brilliant leadership.

A Salute to Those Taken Away Too Soon

Hello there you lovely people and those of you who aren't lovely as well. This week I read some news that deeply saddened me. It’s something that has happened to me on multiple occasions, however no matter how many times I go through it, I still feel the same frustration and sorrow every time.

I am of course referring to the way I feel when a TV show gets cancelled before it’s time has come. In this instance I am referring to the comedy series “Don’t Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23” Now for those of you unfamiliar with this particular show, let me give you a quickish overview.

Feisty yet naive girl from Indiana June Colburn (Dreama Walker), comes to New York to start her dream career in the finance sector. The company who employed her turns out to be based on a Ponzi scheme, and as she step off the elevator on the morning of her very first day she is told that the company is being raided by the IRS and all its assets seized, including her extremely lush apartment. Unemployed, homeless and too proud to head back home June decides to stay in the Big Apple and get her life back on track. Step one find a place to live. Answering a advert for a flatmate June meets the seemingly nice, but in truth a bitch/party girl/con-woman/possibly psychopathic Chloe McGruff, (Krysten Ritter). After an initial dislike the two of them decide to continue as flatmates and much fun is had by all that watched.

Now some of you may say, “But that doesn’t sound that funny”. Some of you may even think I am not sincere in my admiration of this show. If you believe that then you are mistaken on both counts. The show may be a riff on the odd couple scenario; however what make this show special was definitely the cast, Ritter plays Chloe with such aplomb and seems to be having the time of her life doing so. Walker’s portrayal of June is a perfect foil for the over the top (but still loveable) Chloe, showing shock, envy and wonder in equal parts at Chloe’s antics. The rest of the cast is also great Liza Lapira as Chloe’s ex-flat mate and current neighbour, who is desperate to get back into Chloe’s world, Eric Andre as Junes boss who has the hots for her. The best outside the two leads though is definitely James Van Der Beek playing a fictional version of himself as Chloe’s BFF. He plays up his vanity and acting career to great amusement but still is very likeable.

Anyway after only 18 episodes being aired the show has been cancelled. In honour of another show that was cancelled too soon, I thought I would list a few other shows that weren’t given enough time or cancelled too soon (or on a cliffhanger).

Firefly: Series: 1 Series there should have been: 5

This is the best example of a show with fantastic potential that should have been treated a lot differently. A great concept, a wonderful background and a brilliant cast, this could have been a truly great sci-fi classic. The fans obviously being smarter then the TV execs did force a film through, but still I would like a lot more.

My Name is Earl: Series: 4 Should have been: 5

This is one of those case of ending a great series on a cliffhanger. With one more series they could have tied up any loose ends and Earl could have finished his list and he and Randy could have had happily ever after.

Pushing Daisies: Number of Series: Series: 2 Should have been: 6

A quirky wonderful show the likes of which I haven't seen before. It was a colourful masterpiece. The creators knowing the end was nigh rushed to tie up all the loose ends on the last show. However I would still love to see a lot more of these characters.

Outcasts: Number of Series: Series: 1 Should have been: 3

I was introduced to this BBC gem by my friend. A great Sci-fi series which ended after just 8 episodes and unfortunately on a big cliffhanger. A great cast of British acting talent made this tension filled series well worth watching.

Outsourced: Series: 1 Should have been: 4

A very funny sitcom that was cancelled too soon. Some critics considered this to be racist, being of Indian origins myself I can say I didn't find it so and wasn't offended. I found it charming, and the fact that it was making fun of both the Indian and American office cultures made it even more funny. More Diedrich Bader and Pervesh Cheena!

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Series: 2 Should have been: 5

Another great show. This time based on an existing franchise that ended too soon. To make matters worse it ended on one hell of a cliffhanger. A great cast all round with special mention to Lena Headey and Garret Dillahunt, as Sarah Connor and Cromartie respectively.

To these and all the other great shows that burned brightly but not for long enough, we salute you.

Films You Should Have Seen #1

Prologue
So the other day I was talking to a colleague at work about a currently TV series (Elementary) and told him the name of the actor who stars in it (Jonny Lee Miller). He didn't recognise the name so I took the universal next step in this situation and named a film that he was in. Now when thinking of Jonny Lee Miller the first film that comes to my mind is of course Hackers, (same for Angelina Jolie). However I was aghast to find that not only had my colleague not seen the film, he hadn't even heard of it. I then asked a couple of colleagues around us and they too disappointed me by not having heard of it.

Now to be honest I am something of a film fanatic and love watching a lot of different types of films. So maybe the fact that I have seen something that other people may not have, shouldn't surprise me (though it constantly does). I have therefore come to the conclusion that it is my duty to educate you less fortunate beings, so you may too enjoy some of the film industries lesser known gems.

I will therefore be publishing at least one monthly post on a film I believe you should have seen but may not have. You are Welcome.

So let us begin with the film that started this process.

Hacker
Year: 1995
Directed by: Iain Softley
Starring: Jonny Lee Miller, Angelina Jolie, Fisher Stevens, Matthew Lillard, Lorraine Bracco
IMDB Plot Summary: A young boy is arrested by the US Secret Service for writing a computer virus and is banned from using a computer until his 18th birthday. Years later, he and his new-found friends discover a plot to unleash a dangerous computer virus, but they must use their computer skills to find the evidence while being pursued by the Secret Service and the evil computer genius behind the virus.
Why it is worth watching: OK the plot summary hardly does the film justice. Yes that is basically what happens in the film, however this film is one where the style over the substance is what makes it so fantastic. 

OK I work in IT and I understand that the way the film depicts hackers and hacking is utterly ridiculous, gloriously ridiculous, so ridiculous in fact that it becomes sublime. They depict the internal workings of servers as city grids and building, with running process seeming to be vehicles moving along the grids at super fast speeds, and hacking process as breaking into one of those building. 

The hackers themselves are depicted as these uber-cool sexy rebels all colourful hair and colourful latex. Speaking in meaningless slang, inhabiting a world of computer games and techno music. The then young cast (one of Jolie's first film roles), play the parts with a frenetic energy and elusive coolness that all young know-it-alls posses.

Speaking of the music, the soundtrack is a whose who of mid nineties Techno, Trance and Electronica, with bands such as Leftfield, The Prodigy, Underworld and Orbital providing the perfect mood for this over the top romp.

This film is a brilliant reminder of the positive attitude prevalent at the time. When a film like this could be made by people with little knowledge of the main subject and still make something showy and fun.

Anyway there you are, go watch it this film

What Every Geek Has Done Before

OK Ladies and Gentlemen, Girls and Boys and everyone and everything in between. Let me warn you straight off, the nerd factor on this post will be set to warp factor 9.8, yes this post is about Star Trek. Before I begin I think I should provide the non geeky amongst you with some information, I will be using the following abbreviations

TOS = The Original Series (The one with Kirk and Spock)
TNG = The Next Generation (The one with Picard)
DS9 = Deep Space Nine (The one aboard the space station)

Anyway while watching the trailer for Star Trek Into Darkness, (looks excellent, can't wait), I remembered something that me and my friends used to do years ago. We would try and come up with the ultimate Star Trek crew from the crews of the TV series, (at the time there were only 3 TOS, TNG and DS9). To be honest with me at the time it would end up with the crew of TNG with Spock and Dr. Bashir thrown in for variety.

Anyway I decide to try this again especially as there are two new crews to pick from Voyager and Enterprise, (though I really really dislike Voyager). In order to makes sure that we again didn't end up with the crew of TNG with Spock and Dr. Bashir like usual, I set up some rules. Please feel free to to create your own ideal crews following my rules, it's extremely nerdy and very relaxing, (once you are done).

The Rules
1) Only members of crews from the TV Series are to be picked from, all other media, (films, books, games etc.) are not valid.

2) You must use at least 1 person from each of the TV series crews.

3) You must fill certain roles. After researching the roles that were on most of the shows were:

          Commanding Officer/Captain (Archer,  Kirk,  Picard,  Sisko,  Janeway)
          Second in Command (T'Pol,  Spock,  Riker,  Nerys,  Chakotay)
          Chief Medical Officer (Phlox,  McCoy,  Crusher,  Bashir,  The EMH Doctor)
          Chief Engineer (Tucker,  Scott,  La Forge,  Torres)
          Chief Operations Officer (Data,  O'Brien,  Kim)
          Chief Science Officer (T'Pol,  Spock,  J. Dax,  Wildman)
          Communications Officer (Sato,  Uhura)
          Tactical\Security Chief (Reed,  Worf,  Odo,  Tuvok)
          Helmsman (Mayweather,  Sulu,  Crusher,  Paris)

4) Those amongst you with the tendency to do so will have noticed that there are 9 positions to fill currently. For some reason, (possibly just a general disposition towards decimalisation), I would prefer to have a tenth member of the crew. So I researched some more to see what other positions showed up with the main crews of the shows and came up with the following list, from which you will pick only 1:

          Nurse (Chapel,  Kes)
          Counsellor (Troi,  E. Dax)
          Navigator (Chekov)
          Astrometrics (Seven of Nine)
          Stewards (Daniels,  Rand,  Guinan,  Quark,  Neelix)

5) Only designated positions are allowed. You can not assign someone to a role that they are not listed under, (I.e. you can not make Data the second in command, or make Seven of Nine into a nurse (as much as we would like to see her in a nurses uniform)) 

6) Each member of your crew can only be assigned to one position. Some are listed under multiple roles, this is due to the fact that the fulfilled multiple roles during there series, (I.e. Spock and were both the Second in Command (First Officer) and the Science Officer aboard their respective Enterprises). However you can only pick someone once. 

7) Finally you must also pick a ship for your crew. I had thought about allowing you to pick any ship from the Star Trek universe, (I mean who doesn't think the Klingon Bird of Preys are fucking awesome). However in order to make this more interesting I am limiting it to Star Fleet ships only as the crew will consist of Star fleet personal mainly. If you have the time, interest, inclination you can check up on this list to pick your ship. 

OK I can tell that you are all chomping at the bits to know my picks for the ideal Star Trek Crew. So here you go

My Ideal Star Trek Crew

Commanding Officer/Captain: Jean-Luc Picard
This one should be obvious. Picard is the most experienced, balanced and the coolest captain, (sorry Kirk). Even has a battle maneuver named after him.
Second Choice: James Tiberius Kirk

Second in Command: Spock
Lots of experience as a number 2 and with taking command in his captains absence. Highly intelligent with a fantastic ability to adapt to any situation.
Second Choice: Kira Nerys

Chief Medical Officer: Julian Subatoi Bashir
Genetically engineered to be smarter and stronger then the average human. Also has the advantage of being the least annoying Doctor in Star Trek.
Second Choice: The EMH Doctor

Chief Engineer: B'Elanna Torres
Not a conventional Star fleet engineer. However shows great ability to improvise to keep her ship running.
Second Choice: Geordi La Forge

Chief Operations Officer: Data
Possibly the most able member of the crew. Definitely the strongest and smartest, and countless abilities that make him a very valuable member of any crew.
Second Choice: Miles Edward O'Brien

Chief Science Officer: T'Pol
Highly intelligent, with the capacity to question the set beliefs of the Vulcan Science council when presented with evidence that contradicts them. 
Second Choice: Jadzia Dax 

Communications Officer: Hoshi Sato
Has a natural ability with languages, which make her extremely useful should the universal translators ever fail.
Second Choice: Nyota Uhura 

Tactical\Security Chief: Worf
It's Fucking Worf! A natural warrior, He has vast experience facing off against both the Borg and the Dominion.
Second Choice: Malcolm Reed

Helmsman: Hikaru Sulu
Experienced and able helmsmen, and extremely handy with a sword
Second Choice: Wesley Crusher 

Tenth Crewman: Seven of Nine (Astrometrics)
Yes she is smart and has a lot of combat experience from her time with the Borg, however to be honest I just wanted 2 extremely attractive women in cat suits in my crew.

Second Choice: Christine Chapel (Nurse)

Ship: USS Defiant (NX-74205)
I just seem to have a thing for ships that are stripped down to the bare necessities. The Defiant can take a knock and keep on going.
Second Choice: USS Prometheus (NX-59650)

OK so there you go. If you have anything to say (apart from accusing me of sexism) or better suggestions please leave a comment