Films You Should Have Seen #3

It's time again for me to enlighten some of you who have missed out on some  fantastic cinematic gems for whatever reason, on their virtues and why you should stop whatever you are doing and watch it right now, (unless you are in the middle of coitus of course). 

Clerks
Year: 1994
Directed by: Kevin Smith
Starring: Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jay Mewes, Kevin Smith, Marilyn Ghigliotti, Lisa Spoonhauer, Walter Flanagan, Scott Mosier
IMDB Plot Summary:  Dante Hicks is a clerk at a local convenience store in New Jersey. On one particular Saturday morning, he gets called in on his day off. Once there, he must deal with multiple problems. The shutters outside won't open. His ex-girlfriend, whom he is still in love with, is getting married. His girlfriend, who bugs him about starting college, has revealed certain, uh...stuff about her past. His boss hasn't come in to take his place. He has a hockey game at 2 o'clock. Another ex has died, and today's the last day he can go to her wake. He must deal with customers that aren't so intelligent. His friend, Randal, a clerk at the video store next door, is even less dedicated to his job than Dante, and is always bothering Dante's customers. And the biggest problem of them all: HE'S NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE TODAY!! Can Dante manage it all? (Written by MTRodaba2468)
Why it is worth watching: OK let me start by saying I am a huge fan of Kevin Smith, not just his work, most of which (with the exception of Cop Out) I like, but the man himself. I find him to be be extremely talented and funny and if you read any of his books, watch his Evening with... talks or listen to his podcasts you will know that his is an extremely candid individual, who though sometimes seeming crass verging on vulgar, still exudes a boyish charm.

Anyway this particular film is probably my favourite of all of his filmography. Possibly because when it came out I was also working in a service industry, (working weekends at as a telephonist at a taxi company, while at college and university), having to deal with dick customers (not all of them of course most of them were quite pleasant, though more then you would think). I was the right age to understand the ennui that the main protagonist Dante is going through, so it really spoke to me, as it did with a lot of people of then, and from what I've heard it still holds true for people watching it for the first time now. 

So reasons to watch this film. First of all the dialogue, it is funny, crude and extremely realistic. When watching this you can truly believe that the two main leads are just a couple of friends shooting the shit, to relieve the boredom of their day. Talking of the two leads the contrast in the characters is portrayed brilliantly by O'Halloran and Anderson (the latter of which had no acting experience before this). Loosely based on the relationship between Kevin Smith himself and his friend Bryan Johnson, (about whom I will be writing a bit more in my next post), Dante and Randal are a double act that can only be compared to (if stretched), that of Ferris and Cameroon in Ferris Bueller's Day Off or possibly R2-D2 and C3PO from well you know, Star Wars. Dante can be seen as a classic straight if slightly put upon man, Randal is far from the buffonish sidekick that makes up the tradional formula. He is smart, witty and really doesn't give a fuck. O'Halloran and Anderson bring a warm, casual chemistry to the roles that is a great central pillar to this film and it's sequel Clerks 2.

Filmed on money borrowed from credit cards, by a crew mainly made up of young film school graduates, (Smith having dropped out early to work on the script), and their friend, the look of the film may be criticised by some. I however feel that the look is perfect for this film. Once described as "the filmic equivalent of a garage band", it is pure Grunge. Which also translates into it's brilliant soundtrack, which features great early 90's musicians like Soul Asylum, Alice in Chains and Bad Religion amongst others.

I can not recommend this film highly enough and if you need any other reason here are three random things you will find in this film;

1. The best use of the number 37 ever
2. The laziest fight scene ever choreographed 
3. Accidental Necrophilia

Watch this film and then watch the brilliant documentary The Snowball Effect about the making of it.

Daydreaming For Adults

Hello all to lovely lovely lot. Just a short post this time I'm afraid. I know, I know you can't get enough of my awesomeness. However this month has been a bit hectic. Also I am about to embark on some adult activity soon. No not like that, keep your mind out of the gutter until I take you there.

Anyway the weather has been lovely here recently and it reminded me of a poem I wrote years ago, (yes I write poetry sometimes, I truly am extremely talented).

Ode To Cloud

As I lay and look up today

The sky a perfect blue

Watching the clouds above my head

The way I used to do

In the giddy days of youth

I did not have a care

I used to look up and imagine shapes

For hours I could stare

Playing out stories and adventures

With what the clouds sent my way

I remember much better times

As I lay and look up today

It helped remind me that even though we may grow up we should always make time for daydreaming, because where would we be without the daydreamers.

Disc Covering

Good day you lovely lovely lot. I know that there has been a huge hole in your life due to the absence of my words of wisdom. Well rejoice for I have returned to you and bring you a new blog.

Those of you how know me personally (let me start by congratulating you), will know that one of my many many interests is music. I have no talent for it myself, I do however have a great appreciation for it. From Beethoven to Nirvana and from Johnny Cash to Bjork, I have some what of an eclectic taste, though have a special place in my heart for 90's Grunge and Alternative Rock.

One way I have found to show my admiration for all the types of music I enjoy, is by everyday posting (on Facebook, Google+ and Twitter), a link to a piece of music from my past. (So far with a few breaks I am up to 570 songs posted).

A few days ago I posted a song which was a cover of a song I had previously posted. This was the first time it had happened, but I had no qualms about doing so, as both versions are in there own ways brilliant. However it did lead me think about other great songs which were good in the first place but were covered in a way to be different enough, to become classics in there own right. I came up with a list and then shortened it to a Top 5 which I am now going to present to you, (in absolutely no particular order). Beginning with the song that started me out on this chain of thought:

Song: Hurt
Original Artist: Nine Inch Nails (1995)
Covered By: Johnny Cash (2002)
This may be my favourite cover version of any song, and as much as I love the work of Nine Inch Nails and of Trent Reznor who wrote the song, I have to say that I may even like the cover slightly more then the original. There is just something haunting about Johnny Cash's voice, and the fact that he was a man who had faced his demons and was nearing the end of his life (he died less then a year after the release of the song), that gives something extra to his version


Song: Always on my Mind 
Original Artist: Elvis Presley (1972)
Covered By: Pet Shop Boys (1987)
OK so technically Elvis was not the original artist to record this song. It was originally written for a female artist Brenda Lee. It was however released in the same year by The King and I would say it is is more widely associated with him. Also yes there have been other covers of this song but I personally think that this is the best one, not only that it is my favourite song by the Pet Shop Boys. 


Song: Knockin' on Heaven's Door
Original Artist: Bob Dylan (1973)
Covered By: Guns N' Roses (1987)
I know this may be considered blasphemous by some, but again this may be another instance where I prefer the cover to the original. This is probably because it was the first version I heard and I was a huge fan of Guns N' Roses. The Bob Dylan version is a beautiful soulful lament though an I have come to appreciate it more as time has gone by.


Song: Creep
Original Artist: Radiohead (1992)
Covered By: Scala & Kolacny Brothers (2010)
The newest of all the covers on the list and also a cover of one of my favourite songs of all time. This is so different then all the other cover versions of this song, yet it seems to fit perfectly with the fantastic lyrics of Thom Yorke.


Song: Here Comes the Sun
Original Artist: The Beatles (1969)
Covered By: Nina Simone (1971)
OK after some slightly depressing songs lets finish on something a bit uplifting. The original was written by George Harrison once again showing what a great talent he was. Nina Simone added something absolutely wonderful to an already great song.

Anyway those are the 5 songs I picked for your listening pleasure. Let me know what you think, or if there is a cover song that you believe should replace one of the above.

More blogs to come.

O Those Wonderful Wonderful Women

I was originally planning to write a series of blogs on James Bond this month full of my usual humour and smutty remarks (I know I'm a bit late to the bandwagon, but does anyone really care?). However you all will just have to wait for those with baited breathe, while I get serious for this one.

Today (8th of March) is International Women's Day and I thought I should take a few moments to show appreciation to the women who have affected my life personally. I have been lucky enough to know a lot of magnificent women and though they may not be famous (yet), they do deserve a mention. (Please note that I will be using only initials for some of the women as I haven't told anyone I am writing this and they may wish to protect their privacy, they will hopefully know who they, if not they can ask).

Let me begin at the very beginning with my Mother. You may find this hard to believe however I'm not always the easiest person to get along with, there is the moodiness, the cynicism, the sarcasm and the undying belief that I am always right. All that and we won't even go into my teenage years, throughout all this my mother has always been there. Being an immigrant to the UK, her life hasn't been easy but she has worked hard (still does) and raised 4 children during testing times. Though I may not say it often I do love her dearly.

Next my two sisters (C and R), both of whom have had to put up with a lot of my crap over the years and yet still can bring themselves to talk to me. Both are younger then me (but mentally a lot more mature) and have both grown into strong independent women of whom I am very proud. 

Speaking of strong, independent women in my family I should also mention my cousin MB who was also an immigrant to the UK, has made a wonderful life for herself, works hard with charities and raised a family which also includes the first in the next generation of strong brilliant women, her daughter PB. PB is one of the smartest people I know, also she is someone who won't take any crap from anyway (which is cool).

Other women I would like to show appreciation would be the teachers who helped shape me into the mad genius you all know and love today. I can't remember all of them for which I am very sorry (however I am getting on a bit). From North Combined First and Middle School, Mrs Nunn, Miss Ryder (who started my taste for writing) and Miss Nicholson (who first recognised my ability to act). From Villiers High School there was Ms Halford (a most excellent form tutor and French teacher), Mrs Garcha (who got me through Chemistry), Miss Fortune (who gave me my love of History), Mrs Chana (who made maths fun)  and Mrs. Bennett (who got me to write for fun, so you can blame her for this blog).

Finally we get to the present, for some strange reason (not that I'm complaining), the vast majority of my friends are women, all of whom are strong, smart, talented and supercool. Some of them have had a tough time over the last year and a bit (I won't go into detail as they wouldn't appreciate it and I want them to carry on being my friends), So let me just say this SB (back home), KC and CM (here in Prague), EP (out in Malaysia) and KC (in Canada) I am lucky to know each and everyone of you, you are all fantastic in your own ways and I hope you always stay so.

Films You Should Have Seen #2

It's time again for me to enlighten some of you who have missed out on some  fantastic cinematic gems for whatever reason, on their virtues and why you should stop whatever you are doing and watch it right now, (unless you are preforming surgery of course). 

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Year: 1989
Directed by: Stephen Herek
Starring: Alex Winters, Keanu Reeves, George Carlin, Amy Stock-Poynton, Terry Camilleri, Dan Shor
IMDB Plot Summary:  In the small town of San Dimas, a few miles away from Los Angeles, there are two nearly brain dead teenage boys going by the names of Bill S, Preston ESQ. and Ted Theodore Logan, they have a dream together of starting their own rock and roll band called the "Wyld Stallyns". Unfortunately, they are still in high school and on the verge of failing out of their school as well, and if they do not pass their upcoming history report, they will be separated as a result of Ted's father sending him to military school. So, a man from the future named Rufus came to help them pass their report. So, both Bill and Ted decided to gather up historical figures which they need for their report. They are hoping that this will help them pass their report so they can stay together. (Written by John Wiggins) NB. I have taken out one line from the plot summary to stop spoilers.
Why it is worth watching: This is a true classic. One of the funniest films I have ever seen. Keanu Reeves and Alex Winters are two of the most charming and loveable leads in any film you will see, even if they are not the sharpest tools in the shed. Having these two travel through time and interacting with famous historical figures, without really having any clue about what is going on around them is brilliant to watch (especially a scene where they are trying to out philosophise Socrates in ancient Greece).

This is also one of the rare films where most of the cast is almost pitch perfect, George Carlin as the uber-cool Rufus, Amy Stock-Poynton as the boys old crush and Bill current step mother and all the actors playing the historical figures just fit perfectly. 

This film captures the change over from the 1980's to the 1990's fantastically, by having both charm and wit, and nothing in the film captures this more then the soundtrack. Full of 80's style pop-rock that sometimes veers close to power ballard territory without ever fully crossing over. It might sound a bit cheesy now but sometimes a bit of cheese is a good thing.

So in short go watch this film if you haven't seen it before and if you have then go watch it again, it is a really good time.

Plans for a Papal Revolution

Some of you may have read my earlier post "The Start-up" and they will know that I have given some thought to starting a new religion as a business venture. Obviously those of you hearing about this for the first time are all thinking, "Wow! What a brilliant idea," and/or, "Damn it! Why couldn't I think of that first." To you I would say "Yes I am a genius and why the hell have you not read all my other stuff yet?"

Anyway on February the 11th this year the current Pope announced his decision to retire. This got the many gears in my head working and I decided maybe instead of building a religion from the bottom up, why not take over an established religion and make it better. Therefore I have decided to throw my name into the hat for the job as then next Pope.

Undoubtedly there will be some who would object to this. I mean I'm not Catholic, I'm not even Christian. I'm not any sort of priest, being firmly agnostic probably doesn't help. Also the fact that I'm young and a man of the world may go against me. However to those doubters I would say maybe after 1980 years it's time to try something a bit different. I would project an air of coolness that the papacy lacks, as well as bringing my overall awesomeness into play globally.

To show that I have thought this through, here is an outline of what my Papacy would deliver:

1) Public executions of all priests known to have taken part in the abuse of children. OK this is not a joke. The Catholic church has lost a lot of respect and this issue has caused a lot of pain, not just the acts but the response of the church to them. So in order to bring back confidence to the church we need to send a message. That message should come in the form of swift justice to all those who committed these heinous deeds and all those that helped cover them up.

2) Allow women to be priests. After carrying out my first point there would be rather a lot of vacancies to fill in all levels of the church, so what better time to introduce women into positions they have been denied for far too long. This would modernise the church and bring a whole new energy to its current stagnant state.

3) Allow priests to marry. From what I have read, the reason priests are meant to be celibate is so that the church will inherit all their worldly belongings when the priest shuffles off his mortal coil. if this is the reason then all I can say is that the Vatican has more then enough money, and at this point it's just being greedy. Also this goes directly against the wishes of God, who said "Be fruitful and multiply" if you believe in Genesis 1.28.

4) Give homosexuals equal rights in the church. Look this should be a no brainer logically, if you believe in an all knowing and all powerful God, then you have to believe that if that God didn't want two men, or two women to fall in love with each other, then he or she (it's God I'm not sure if gender pronouns can even apply), wouldn't have made something like 10% of the worlds population gay (is that politically correct? I'm not sure. I apologise if not.) So let openly homosexual people become priests and marry.

5) Allow the use of contraceptives. OK let's get serious here, people like to have sex. It is a lot of fun from what I remember, and the idea that people should only do it when they want to have children is bordering on the absurd. This is the 21st century and burying its head in the sand will not do the church any good, it needs to grow up. This isn't even taking into account the vast numbers of the church's followers that are dying of HIV each year. If you were to look at this as a business model, then allowing your customer base to dwindle each year, when you can prevent it, without any additional financial costs yourself, is really crappy business.

Now that all the serious issues have been addressed here are a few changes I would bring along just for me.

1) No special hat for the pope. I don't do hats it makes my hair all weird. I understand that most of the people working in the church are very old men, so I wouldn't ban hats altogether. Just not for me.

2) Pimp out the Pope Mobile. I mean just look at it. And it's white!  

3) I would create a Vatican City Football team for international football tournaments and be allowed to pick any player from any Roman Catholic country (So South America, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Ireland, Poland....)

4) Sell off some of the churches assets to start a Space program, so I can be an astronaut.

5) Raise a Papal army. I've always wanted an army.

Anyway these are my ideas for the direction the Catholic Church could take under my brilliant leadership.

A Salute to Those Taken Away Too Soon

Hello there you lovely people and those of you who aren't lovely as well. This week I read some news that deeply saddened me. It’s something that has happened to me on multiple occasions, however no matter how many times I go through it, I still feel the same frustration and sorrow every time.

I am of course referring to the way I feel when a TV show gets cancelled before it’s time has come. In this instance I am referring to the comedy series “Don’t Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23” Now for those of you unfamiliar with this particular show, let me give you a quickish overview.

Feisty yet naive girl from Indiana June Colburn (Dreama Walker), comes to New York to start her dream career in the finance sector. The company who employed her turns out to be based on a Ponzi scheme, and as she step off the elevator on the morning of her very first day she is told that the company is being raided by the IRS and all its assets seized, including her extremely lush apartment. Unemployed, homeless and too proud to head back home June decides to stay in the Big Apple and get her life back on track. Step one find a place to live. Answering a advert for a flatmate June meets the seemingly nice, but in truth a bitch/party girl/con-woman/possibly psychopathic Chloe McGruff, (Krysten Ritter). After an initial dislike the two of them decide to continue as flatmates and much fun is had by all that watched.

Now some of you may say, “But that doesn’t sound that funny”. Some of you may even think I am not sincere in my admiration of this show. If you believe that then you are mistaken on both counts. The show may be a riff on the odd couple scenario; however what make this show special was definitely the cast, Ritter plays Chloe with such aplomb and seems to be having the time of her life doing so. Walker’s portrayal of June is a perfect foil for the over the top (but still loveable) Chloe, showing shock, envy and wonder in equal parts at Chloe’s antics. The rest of the cast is also great Liza Lapira as Chloe’s ex-flat mate and current neighbour, who is desperate to get back into Chloe’s world, Eric Andre as Junes boss who has the hots for her. The best outside the two leads though is definitely James Van Der Beek playing a fictional version of himself as Chloe’s BFF. He plays up his vanity and acting career to great amusement but still is very likeable.

Anyway after only 18 episodes being aired the show has been cancelled. In honour of another show that was cancelled too soon, I thought I would list a few other shows that weren’t given enough time or cancelled too soon (or on a cliffhanger).

Firefly: Series: 1 Series there should have been: 5

This is the best example of a show with fantastic potential that should have been treated a lot differently. A great concept, a wonderful background and a brilliant cast, this could have been a truly great sci-fi classic. The fans obviously being smarter then the TV execs did force a film through, but still I would like a lot more.

My Name is Earl: Series: 4 Should have been: 5

This is one of those case of ending a great series on a cliffhanger. With one more series they could have tied up any loose ends and Earl could have finished his list and he and Randy could have had happily ever after.

Pushing Daisies: Number of Series: Series: 2 Should have been: 6

A quirky wonderful show the likes of which I haven't seen before. It was a colourful masterpiece. The creators knowing the end was nigh rushed to tie up all the loose ends on the last show. However I would still love to see a lot more of these characters.

Outcasts: Number of Series: Series: 1 Should have been: 3

I was introduced to this BBC gem by my friend. A great Sci-fi series which ended after just 8 episodes and unfortunately on a big cliffhanger. A great cast of British acting talent made this tension filled series well worth watching.

Outsourced: Series: 1 Should have been: 4

A very funny sitcom that was cancelled too soon. Some critics considered this to be racist, being of Indian origins myself I can say I didn't find it so and wasn't offended. I found it charming, and the fact that it was making fun of both the Indian and American office cultures made it even more funny. More Diedrich Bader and Pervesh Cheena!

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Series: 2 Should have been: 5

Another great show. This time based on an existing franchise that ended too soon. To make matters worse it ended on one hell of a cliffhanger. A great cast all round with special mention to Lena Headey and Garret Dillahunt, as Sarah Connor and Cromartie respectively.

To these and all the other great shows that burned brightly but not for long enough, we salute you.